PACO 603: Pre-Engagement Counseling Plan, 7/12/2026

Pre-Engagement Counseling Plan:

Development Assignment

Joo Won Lee

PACO 603: Premarital and Marital Counseling

                                                                           July 12, 2026

1.     Couple’s Background

A.   Their ages are in twenties; the guy just graduated from college and the woman is working full-time after getting her master’s degree. The woman is older by 3 years.

B.    They have never been married before.

C.    No child for either one of them

D.   The guy is Protestant as he has been one all his life; the woman is too all her life. Both are life-time regular church-attending Protestant/evangelicals.

E.    They have been dating for about two years now.

F.    Yes and no; they live about 2.5 hours apart from Mon through Fri; but both of their families are based in the same city so that they are able to get together in the same city Fri-Sun if need be.

G.   The guy is a college-graduate; the girl has a master’s degree.

H.   The guy will work as a program coder working on AI projects (He’s got a BS in Computer Science); the girl is in education field.

2.     Five Issues

1)    Family Issues: this could be their biggest issue by far. Although the girl’s family is welcoming and accepting of the guy, the same cannot be said of the guy’s family. This is rooted in the fact that they hail from two distinct Asian subgroups, namely, the guy from ethnic ???? community and the girl from ethnical !!!!! community. Although the mutual respect and tolerance is all there from both families, the ????? parents strongly feel as though their son should marry a ???? girl in the end. Dating is allowed but not consummating the relationship in holy matrimony from ???? parents’ point of view.

Biblical passages relevant are several: we could quote the Old Testament verses such as Deuteronomy 7:3-4; Exodus 34:15-16; Ezra 9-10, etc., which strictly prohibit the Israelites not to intermarry with surrounding nations due to the idolatry of the heathens. However, in this case both profess the same protestant faith. There is no biblical passage which would prohibit them from proceeding onto the consummation of their relationship one day. Then, an Old Testament verse from the Ten Commandments like “Honor Your Father and Mother” (Exodus 20:12) or the New Testament verses like “Children, obey your parents in the Lord,” (Ephesians 6:1-4) or “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. (Col. 3:20-21) could be more direct and relevant regarding this issue. At a most recent family gathering this issue blew up, and the young guy and his ???? American brother in-law got into a heated argument per an insider.

Ken Sande offers the following advice as He writes, “Forgiveness is an act of the will, a decision not to think or talk about what someone has done. It is an active process involving a conscious choice and a deliberate course of action. It is the canceling of a debt..”[1] It has come to a point where I feel as though they all have to get together and have a roundtable talk of some sort so that everyone gets off their chest and just have their innermost thoughts and opinions out. Then, we will proceed further in my opinion.

2)    Finances: Since they are still young, particularly the guy who is just set to start his first full-time job, the finance aspect could pose some challenge moving forward. The girl is in a better shape having gone through the same process a bit early with a master’s degree too. At any rate, since both are quite young and the current economic climate is at best unpredictable, this could potentially present an issue. It appears that they normally Dutch-pay while on a date, but the girl seems to contribute a little more like brining home-cooked meals from her house and so on.

Relevant biblical passage is Hebrew 13:5 (“absolute contentment”), Psalm 24:1 (“ultimate ownership”), Prov. 21:20 (“avoid foolish waste”), etc., as there are numerous. Regarding the management style including finance, potentially, of Jesus our Lord Laurie Beth Jones writes, “He practiced the “ripple” style of management, depending on small circles to spread into bigger ones.”[2] This means to me that the couple should focus on small things/savings first before looking at the larger sum of money to deal with.

3)    Personal and Marital Goals: Since they both are so young with no specific set goals in sight, there is some uncertainty or even vitality looming on horizon regarding their personal and marital goals up ahead in the future. Any plan or goals they might have set for now could easily morph to or change into something totally different in not-too-distant future. It remains to be seen how both of their personal and marital goals would change or even stay the same at all.

The relevant biblical passages are Philippians 2:3-4 and Ephesians 5:21; the former focuses on humility and partnership whereas the latter values the mutual submission within the institution of marriage.

James Peterson says that “Ownership in communication means taking responsibility for the feelings and thoughts that are ours. When we speak, using “I” or “my,” we make it clear that we are expressing our feelings and opinions and that we are including ourselves in conversations as people with something to offer.”[3] This just reinforces the belief that the couple should take more ownership in their (stated) personal and marital goals

4)    Roles in a Marriage: This could be a small issue since they appear to be both traditional in their family values and whatnot. The expected gender roles in a marriage whether they tie the knot or not (a great uncertainty) could be in line of their family or Protestant upbringing, which should be conservative yet modern/contemporary.

Relevant biblical passages are Ephesians 5:21 (“mutual submission”) and Gal. 3:28 and 1 Peter 3:7, which emphasizes the equal worth in marriage.

As Don Howell writes, “Jesus pointed to his own sacrificial manner of life and to his coming substitutionary death as the concrete example of what it means to be a servant leader (Mt. 20:28; Mk 10:45). [4] If the couple emulate Jesus and be willing to be suffering servants for one another, then it will all work out fine.

5)    Personal History: This is another area which could be less problematic. From my understanding thus far, both have a very limited personal history as far as dating scene is concerned, e.g., high school fling et al, so that they don’t have much to worry about something which might potentially blow up in their faces—unexpectedly or embarrassingly so to speak.

Relevant biblical passages are Philippians 3:13-14, which emphasizes having a tunnel vision up ahead; other useful passage could be Isaiah 43:18-19, which declares that “forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing.” As Dave Earley and Rod Dempsey write, “Spiritual formation is primarily about becoming more and more like God. The apostle John tells us succinctly that “God is love” (1 John 4:8). Believing in and receiving the good news of the gospel is our introduction to this God of love.” [5]

Bibliography

Earley, Dave, and Rod Dempsey. Spiritual Formation is... How to Grow in Jesus with Passion and Confidence. Nashville: B&H Academic, 2018.

Howell, Don A., Jr. Servants of the Servant: A Biblical Theology of Leadership. Eugene, OR: Wipf & Stock Publishers, 2003

Jones, Laurie Beth. Jesus, CEO: Using Ancient Wisdom for Visionary Leadership. New York: Hyperion, 1995.

Petersen, James C. Why Don't We Listen Better? Communicating & Connecting in Relationships. 3rd ed. Portland, OR: Petersen Publications, 2022.

Sande, Ken, with Tom Raabe. Peacemaking for Families: A Biblical Guide to Managing Conflict in Your Home. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, 200

[1] Ken Sande with Tom Raabe, Peacemaking for Families: A Biblical Guide to Managing Conflict in Your Home (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, 2002), 85.

[2] Laurie Beth Jones, Jesus, CEO: Using Ancient Wisdom for Visionary Leadership (New York: Hyperion, 1995), 214.

[3] James C. Petersen, Why Don't We Listen Better? Communicating & Connecting in Relationships, 3rd ed. (Portland, OR: Petersen Publications, 2022), 111.

[4] Don A. Howell Jr., Servants of the Servant: A Biblical Theology of Leadership (Eugene, OR: Wipf & Stock Publishers, 2003),198.

[5] Dave Earley and Rod Dempsey, Spiritual Formation is... How to Grow in Jesus with Passion and Confidence (Nashville: B&H Academic, 2018), 99.