PACO 603 : The Need for Pre-Marital Counseling, 7/2/2026

[What are ten reasons why people avoid premarital counseling?]

Copilot Response:

1.     They believe love is enough. Some couples assume that because they love each other, they do not need formal preparation for marriage.

2.     They do not think they have any major relationship problems. Couples who are getting along well may see counseling as unnecessary.

3.     They are uncomfortable discussing personal issues. Premarital counseling often requires conversations about finances, family background, intimacy, expectations, and conflict.

4.     They fear uncovering problems. Some individuals worry that counseling may reveal incompatibilities or concerns that could delay or disrupt wedding plans.

5.     They have limited time. Wedding planning, work, school, and family responsibilities can make counseling seem difficult to fit into their schedules.

6.     They are concerned about the cost. Professional counseling services may involve fees that some couples are unwilling or unable to pay.

7.     They have negative perceptions of counseling. Some people associate counseling with relationship failure or serious problems rather than prevention and growth.

8.     They value privacy. Couples may be reluctant to share personal details with a counselor, pastor, or mentor.

9.     They feel confident in their relationship skills. Individuals may believe they already communicate effectively and can handle challenges without outside guidance.

10.  They lack awareness of its benefits. Many couples simply do not know that premarital counseling has been linked to stronger communication, better conflict resolution, and increased marital satisfaction.

I will critique the responses #1(“love is enough”), #5 (“fear uncovering problems”), and #9 (“feeling confident in their relationship skills”).

Firstly, regarding the reason of “They believe love is enough,” we’d need to define what “love” actually is in a sense of Christian worldview/perspective; does it pertain to physical love, psychological love, and/or spiritual love? According to the Bible and Christian teaching, love in marriage primarily refers to the kind of self-less, devotional, sacrificial, all-giving (and not expecting to get anything back in return. No ROI in anticipation) in mode of suffering servant Jesus demonstrated to his church at Golgotha at Calvary. The most iconic or ubiquitous Pauline Bible verses regarding the nature of man and husband in bond of love of Jesus Christ per Ephesians 5:22-33 tell us so.

In this benchmark relationship, wife’s role is to respect and submit to her husband. What?, any strong-willed, (perhaps feminist-brainwashed) contemporary, educated, smart woman would question that preposition. Sounds humiliating, and medieval if not archaic. However, guess what a woman gets in return from her husband—every fiber of her husband’s being ready to serve and lover her to the point of his death as the Lord did. That sounds like a fair deal to me.

(Note: “²² Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. ²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, ²⁶ that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, ²⁷ so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. ²⁸ In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. ²⁹ For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ³⁰ because we are members of his body. ³¹ “Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” ³² This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. ³³ However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”)

It is very much doubtable that without the Biblical marriage counseling, the prospective couple would know the nature of kind of love that they should practice and exhibit to one another, which far exceeds, supersedes, and will be far-encompassing/comprehensive than any secular pop culture value might have brainwashed them into believing or presented to them regarding the concept of love. Plus, on that very comprehensiveness, the Bible also entails the (physical) duties of both man and wife should follow through when engaged in such relationship, e.g., Proverbs 5:18-19, 1 Cor. 7:3-5.

Secondly, regarding the topic of “uncovering problems”, let’s evaluate what a Korean proverb is saying regarding this very issue: “What could have been stopped with a hoe now requires with a shovel” (“A stitch in time saves nine.”), it teaches us the value, wisdom of prevention/preventative measures, planning, honesty, coming to terms with some undercurrent issues which should be revealed, shared, and corrected—if possible. That bilateral communication is not only beneficial but could potentially be therapeutic for both parties. I remember when I was courting my wife before we got married, how one day my wife opened up about her past health issues(?) or whatnot, and was very frank about it like her thyroid issue which she was able to naturally cure over time. I was impressed and actually blown away by her frankness, and that was when I knew that she was the one that I should propose and marry. Me? Yes, I was revelatory and honest too, but I withheld one pre-existing condition of “depression” episodes which really bothered me in the past. Well, that issue would eventually rear its ugly head during our honeymoon when I would get afflicted by it, and I/we would have to work really hard to overcome it several years later. How ? Through the power of love and help from God alone! Absolutely! It could not have done without the interference from the Holy Spirit (cf. Proverbs 12:22; Proverbs 12:22; Ecclesiastes 4:12; Ephesians 4:25; Hebrews 13:4). Being honest with one another is a mutually beneficial, productive, forward-looking, and healing process for building trusting, loving, and long-lasting relationship between a man and a wife.

Thirdly, regarding the “feeling confident in relational skills,” yes, so did I and I am sure that my wife did too before the marriage. I felt like I could count on my communicative, personal skills to ride the storms when they arose. Not exactly.

Once again, I can go back to my 9-year marriage and draw some wisdom for this particular point as well: for most part, my wife and I have had a good marriage. We loved one another, trusted one another, and we had God in our lives. Yet, it wasn’t always peace and harmony which overwhelmed our blissful marriage life.

Just like any other couple we also had our share of some issues which would have to be eventually brought out to light and worked out/fixed. And they did eventually. The tools actually came from, once again, leaning on God, strictly, earnestly praying about it, bible, meditating, and relying on the Holy Spirit to improve our mindset and attitude. Just being retrospective and honest about one’s dilemma or shortcoming and asking God for help.

Once again, it is highly doubtful that prospective secular couple would know how to deal with the relational skills defects/deficiencies when revealed with effective, confident, assuring, comforting, and healing guidance from the Spirit-inspired and -led Biblical counseling. Biblical counseling a few layers deeper than what the secular professional might be able to provide for the struggling couples. The bible gives us wisdom on this issue as in “For the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.” (Proverbs 3:26 ESV), “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” (2 Timothy 1:7 ESV), etc.ten reasons why people avoid premarital counseling?]

**My response to someone named Jude:

Hi Jude,

Thanks for your post; as you mentioned people avoid the premarital counseling for all kinds of reasons but the three you mentioned could be some of the most common excuses; 1) don’t need it; 2) too busy; 3) don’t wanna look at the issues which might emerge later such as financial prospect.

You are correct in saying that a marriage is meant to last a lifetime hence the commitment befitting such a huge investment is in order for “heathy” marriage. When I look at my own marriage, now almost a decade long, I think that I’ve made an investment/decision (later on) to not look at my wife at my eye level, but at her eye level. This means that any expectations like expecting a perfect 10 woman, I should have long recognized it being a mere fantasy. (How about me? I am certainly not a 10 either) Such woman doesn’t exist. Never did in the history of mankind except for a case of Eve—until she disobeyed God and ate the fruit from the forbidden tree of Knowledge of Right and Wrong while also making her husband sin as well.

Well, I respect my wife since she is a devoted Christian woman, a pious woman (almost); and she respects me and gives me a space for me to operate within my own preferences. As the Bible says, “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33 ESV); biblical pre-counseling would provide such acumen and Christian worldviews where the secular counseling could neglect or fail to do so.

Thank you Jude.

Blessings.

**My response to someone named Stephen:

Hi Stephen, 

I read your post with keen interest since I have same kind of relationship with my own wife. So, you are like a quarter Irish, I reckon? I believe that some people may not recognize that there are some distinct/subtle cultural differences between Irish, English, and Scottish, and they would get offended if treated the same. We get taken aback somehow when the Occidentals treat us Koreans, Japanese, and Chinese as if we hail from the same universal Asian culture! Not exactly. They even assume that we speak the same language. Not at all. I cannot understand Japanese or Chinese as much as they cannot understand my Korean. Probably. 

Well, even though I and my wife come S. Korea, originally, we would have had to go through the process of adjusting to one another due to the fact that 1) I am much more Americanized being an immigrant to the USA in my teen years; 2) my wife had lived her entire life on the Korean peninsula. Even some of my family members such as my mom, who is not quite in line with me culturally, has a lot more habits and cultural perspectives based on American living than my own wife. 

However, it has taken some time, but my wife has adjusted and is doing well; as the Bible says, "Love is patient, and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude...Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (1 Cor 13:4-7 ESV). When we held the banner of Christ high and stedfast, our marriage has gotten a lot better, and become a smooth sail--something the premarital Biblical counseling could aid with but the secular counseling may fail to deliver. 

Take care.

Blessings.