Discussion Thread: Verbal & Non-Verbal Communication in Practice, April 2026

Verbal and non-verbal communication entails more than just being “(brutally) honest, truthful, straightforward, and direct” and friendly “handshakes” or winks although at times that is the best policy in certain dialogues—being honest. As our society has gotten way more global and complex with many constituents hailing from vast different backgrounds, the Intercultural Communication is at crossroads: to be an effective communicator in this day and age, one should be well-equipped with artful, wise, well-informed, intentional, pre-planned, and effective verbal & nonverbal strategies. As always, the ultimate source of wisdom in Intercultural Communication is God as scripture says, “For the Lord giveth  wisdom; out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.” (Proverbs 2:6 KJV).

How To Start a Friendship with someone with interculturally Different Background Using Non-Verbal Strategies

     Key point is to relay and giving out the same consistent message/cues with the non-verbal cues as the verbal word would have (already) as not to betray/blow the cover, thusly building a foundation of mutual trust and friendship to grow upon from.

In a YouTube video hosted by Alex Lyon, PhD, featuring Mary Daphne, the latter talks about 6 different ways in which the non-verbal communication strategies/skills may interact with the verbal communication in real life: body language, facial expression, gestures, etc., all come in play. They can be categorized as “1) repeating/emphasizing with a hand gesture (“emblems”), 2) substituting, 3) turn taking, 4) complementing the verbal message with “illustrators”, 5) emphasizing, utilizing inflection patterns, tone of voice, pitch, pacing/pause, etc., 6) (non-verbal cues) contradicting the verbal words/statements.”[1] “Regulators include the use of vocalics, kinesics (especially nonverbal  gestures and head movements), and oculesics to regulate the pacing and flow of conversation.”[2]

How to Start a Friendship with someone with interculturally different background using Verbal Strategies

     With the verbal strategies, the key is to give out consistent, trustworthy, and truthful message and content so that the person engaged in intercultural communication would feel the genuine friendship extended so that he/she would feel comfortable, relaxed, and be at ease.

     The first verbal strategy could be termed as what the authors call “Low-Context Communication (LCC)” where LCC is defined as “say what you mean, mean what you say” as a mode of respect for verbal honesty and personal accountability…Overall, LCC patterns emphasize direct talk, self-enhancement, informal interaction, and the value of talkativeness.”[3] No sugarcoating or flattery, but straight honest talk would go a long way in establishing the trusting bond right off the bat.

     The second verbal strategy could be the “High-Context Communication (HCC)” where per the authors HCC is defined as “(HCC refers to) communication patterns of indirect; tactful, nonverbal tone; diplomatic talk; self-humbling speech; and receiver-sensitive values (i.e., the interpreter of the message assumes the responsibility to infer the hidden or contextual meanings of the message; Ting-Toomey, 1985, 1988a, 1988b…HCC patterns stress indirect verbal style, a verbal self-humbling pattern, status-sensitive formal interaction, and the importance of silence (see, e.g., Park & Guan, 2006, 2009; Park, Lee, & Song, 2005”[4] This is just more than mere talk: there are layers of thoughts, tactics, and plans built into HCC, where the stakes and the risks could be high but the rewards as well.

Two Real Life Experiences from the Past

     #1 case:

it happened long ago when I was in 10^th grade, Charlotte, NC, and I met someone who would be my best friend for the next 7-8 years as the friendship grew and matured. It required the coordination of both verbal and non-verbal communication strategies in order for this encounter/relationship to work. Well, I was basically a newbie immigrant fresh off the boat having been in the states for just one year; my verbal skill in English was quite limited to say the least. Perry was technically a third generation Greek American since his grandparents immigrated to the United States from Greece, and his father spoke a perfect English. I met his grandmother (“yia-yia”) time to time, a very nice old lady, who always smiled at me and said something very gentle and nice. In return, I could only say, “Thank you, yia-ya,” or something short and simple like that. Since my English was so poor at the time I could only articulate my thoughts in a short sentence or two, and we needed a lot of help. Perry spoke his words slowly, repeatedly at times, and when he wanted to emphasize a certain word, he opened his mouth very wide as he pronounced the word so that I could better understand it. At times when I couldn’t understand certain words, he tried his best to explain them to me. I picked up a lot of slangs, short phrases, idioms, etc., from my best buddy Perry.

     At the time and for a little while I particularly had difficult time differentiating the letters like L & R, V & B—common universal mispronouncing traits for Korean natives, and my native English speaker friends in high school used to wonder and crack up at what I was trying to say. For example, I would say, “I gave you a long score,” instead of saying “I gave you a wrong score.” Or I would say, “I won. I am a bictor,” instead of saying “I won. I am a victor.” Etc.

     Overall, Perry was kind, gentle-hearted, smart, and patient. We both were pretty American and academically driven in other ways so that we got along just fine. Foodwise, in college, although he reluctantly tried out bulgogi a few times, he wouldn’t come near kimchi or any side dishes which my mom prepared for me. That was okay ‘tho. But he was very respectful of my Korean heritage (he would try to bow his head as he greeted my parents or an older sister), and indeed since we both had many common friends who were Asian American who were academically talented, that went a long way in establishing a deep trusting equitable friendship/bond between us. We were both nerds at the time…

     As the authors Ting-Toomey & Chung write, “(Practice verbal patience) Use verbal empathy and patience for non-native speakers. We can slow down, choose fewer complex words, consciously pause, and try to rephrase statements—to convey the same intended content meanings,”[5] that was what my good dear friend Perry did for me. What a guy.

     #2 case:

this encounter happened about 8-9 years ago as I had befriended my good friend Peter who hails from US Virgin Islands (Creole).  If people are not too attentive, they might think that he sounds like those Bahamian bobsled athletes in the movie Cool Runnings. We both are avid tennis players and that is how we met—on the tennis courts (We both have slowed down somewhat lately as the age did catch up with me, and Peter has 4 kids now to look after. We no longer practice together…) Essentially, there is really no communication issues here; we both speak (almost) perfect English albeit I with (slight?) Korean accent and Peter with Central Caribbean Creole accent. That isn’t the issue as it was in the first case with me and Perry. I’ve come long ways, you know, since the late ‘80s.

It is the psychological and mental communication or strategies encompassing both verbal and non-verbal acumen and whatnot which I would have to be careful with and be at the top of the game so speak as I navigate my friendship with Peter. I would have to make sure that I remain genuine, truthful (As I normally am), no fake bones in my body, but remain respectful of Peter’s cultural background, his people, and what he and his people have gone through (cf. Romans 1:1 KJV, “I say the truth in Christ, I lie not, my conscience also bearing me witness in the Holy Ghost,”). Peter is a complex person & well-read: he is very proud too as he is highly educated with a nice office job at FedEx—his PhD earned at the University of Florida. What is intriguing is that he is well-travelled too as he lived and worked in Brussels for some years, lived in Asia for some years, and is married to a Filipino woman, who happens to be Catholic. Peter would detect “non-verbal leakage” or “deceptions” coming from me miles away although he would do his best to disguise his disappointment as best he could and put on a good face. Vice versa: I can detect some gamesmanship coming from him and am well-prepared. I've gotten wise and learned a thing or two about my good friend. 

Overall, it has taken a real manhood in me to remain true to myself, yet be diplomatic et al, and stay good friends with Peter: I sometimes put on my preacher's hat and try, but my word of evangelism hasn’t quite reached his heart. Yet. We shall see: we have had some long discourses on this very topic like religion, God etc. Perhaps one day, he will be a convert and a believer in Christ, God willing. If I would have to be the one, it sure will take the best version of myself to bring him to Christ. My honor and pleasure. 

Question to my classmates: what if Perry and Peter met?

     How would this All-American white boy of Greek heritage Perry hailing from the state of NC  interact should he meet Perry, a black US Virgin Island native, who carries some baggage of social justice issue, etc.? How should both interact with each other using what the best verbal & non-verbal strategies can afford? BTW, Perry is somewhat spiritual as he is a casual believer in Greek Orthodox faith whereas Perry is pretty much non-committal or agnostic at best.

[1] YouTube Video, Verbal & Nonverbal Communication, Week #5 Video Study Aid, Liberty University Online, 2026

[2] Stella Ting-Toomey, Leeva C. Chung, Understanding Intercultural Communication, (New York, Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2005), 174.

[3] Ibid., 151-152.

[4] IBID., 151-152.

[5] IBID, 159.

*My response to someone named Jonathan:

Dear Jonathan,

I enjoyed reading your post and I will bite, and respond to your posed question: yes, of course, in a lighthearted manner. There is nothing like starting out a first-time encounter/new relationship with good hearted laughs which are known to stimulate the blood circulation, boost the immune system, help with the bowl movement, release the stress, increase the longevity, etc. Laughs are the best medicine as they say! On a blind date, church cook out, or 25^th class reunion and whatnot, we’d love to laugh and laugh some more. Bring it on! Possibilities and opportunities are endless.

A big “no”, however, if the intention is dubious, malicious or is simply to ridicule and make fun of, or even worse to denounce/disregard/disparage or condemn/attack the particular culture as the offended villagers might put a militia together and come back at you with ropes, sickles, forks, knives, or spears and slow pig-roast you over a charcoal pit. Some indigenous tribes in the Amazon and in the Pacific Islands are known to be still cannibalistic, let’s not forget. I’ve seen the real documentary video! They actually do cook and eat people.

Some (physical) features the Westerners found striking about Koreans when they visited S. Korea and short-lived among them and remarked in astonishment was, say like 40 somewhat years ago before the widespread globalization started taking place all over the globe, “You Korean people look the same! For Pete’s sake I cannot tell you guys apart;” Oh well, we are sorry…At our end from our worldview/anthropological perspective  what we noticed right away (other than the prominent nose/ “big nose” on the Occidentals) was the body odor: the gamey, repugnant, smelly/stinky body odor.  I guess that is why they developed the body deodorants earlier than anyone else, and the perfume/cologne industry was so advanced in the Western countries out of the block. (My wife informs me that K-beauty has caught up lately, ‘tho.) They naturally stunk or did not wash themselves (actually, ample evidences have been documented on this very fact). Are you offended? Well, then we had kimchi, and soybean paste stew which would put a rich shame on any fermented foods originating from the West. We love our K-foods!

For the longest time, I really suspected and still believe to some extent that the people in the rural parts of the deep south or the Applachian mountains marry their cousins. The incest is rampant, and it is a part of their regular “backwater”/”uncultured” lifestyle as the polygamy is the practiced norm union among the Mormons. No? (I had a Mormon classmate from Utah in grad school one time, and  to much of my dismay and surprise he looked completely normal with only one wife and two little daughters). Don’t be disheartened: as recent as perhaps 700-1000 years ago, some of my (direct) Korean ancestors married their close kins as in uncle-niece union, nephew-aunt, etc. But they tell me that they were the true-blue bloods. And I do show symptoms of insanity at times.

As Chang and Chang bring up, “Contextualization is finding the form best suited for sharing the Gospel within each culture the idea being that not every local culture has to have the same religious organizational structures, architectural schemes, or rituals,”[1] reaching out to the locals is all about an extension of loving our neighbors—understanding the strengths, the shortcomings, the potentials, and the pitfalls, the visions, etc., with all our heart, mind, and soul (Cf. Matt. 22:37). It is not necessarily determining the superior qualities or the primitive elements existing within a particular culture and coming up with gradients of ideal cultures or hierarchical ladders of various endemic civilizations around the world  although cannibalistic wild feast around a hot stove with human arms sticking out from a clay pot is not a buffet party I’m willing to join in on anytime soon. I think it is pretty gross and evil.

Not only the ultimate goal of this particular course but in various programs down the road ought to be to train Champions for Christ who would go out and evangelize unto the whole world, tongues, nations, and peoples so that JC the King and the Lord would hurry up and come back again to take us all home (cf. “In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. John 14:2-3 KJV). The latest intel is that the construction of those mansions are just about completed magnificently with the VIP town/district with many fabulous palatial size invoking resident halls is right outside the very throne of God in heaven.

Chang and Chang elaborate, “To see people from where they are—to understand the cultural significance is to recognize their depth as a person, when God created us in His image, he didn’t use a cookie cutter.”[2] The slapping incident which is mentioned by the authors is not shocking to me at all: I personally have witnessed the same kind abuses or shenanigans plotted and handed down to the associate pastors, and I myself had been a victim in the past (Cf. “Am I my brother’s keeper?” Gen. 4:9). I know this particular 2^nd generation KA associate pastor living in LA area who complained to me about the toxic culture within a S. Korean ethnic church built within the hierarchy of the pastors, the perpetrator being mostly his former senior pastors. It is not just Aretha Franklin who is crying out for some piece of R-E-S-P-E-C-T: sometimes the seekers are far away from us, but in most cases they are living right within our own ethnic cultural groups, local churches, schools, at work, and even within our own home and living room.

P.S. Some of the statements are made with “tongue in cheek”, obviously: read with light heart, please.

[1] Tim Chang with Ashely E. Chang. Pathway to Christian Intercultural Communication: Sharing God’s Love with People of Other Cultures, (McGraw Hill Education, 2025, Liberty University Online), 62.

[2] Ibid., 62.

*My response to someone named Timothy:

Dear Timothy,

Thanks for your post and I will answer your question (actually, what got me interested in responding to your post was the word “Samoan” as I had been sometimes mistaken for being a Samoan, perhaps due to my “thick build.”)

Well, I had lots of Indian/Pakistani/Bangladeshi friends all the way from college years to recent past where the vast majority of my clients/parents of kids I coached were from the Indian subcontinent.

You are right about them being very traditional with old family values: first and foremost, they are very family oriented to the point of willing to disown/excommunicate someone should any member go against the will and tradition of a family/organization he/she naturally belongs to. They don’t joke around. Perhaps one can term their strong inward-looking culture xenophobic at the risk of sounding biased/stereotyping.

And the ones I encountered in my profession happened to be all polite, gentle-mannered, outwardly, but very proud individuals too as almost all of them held a professional job and well-educated. As one middle-aged mother proudly proclaimed to me one time, “we are the best of the best, the cream of the crop from India, and that is why we are here.” If you are going to have any chance of succeeding in even being able to say a few words regarding Christianity to them (Good luck!) inside their venerated halls of temple, you must show them due respect for their tradition/heritage, of course, their personal/professional accomplishments, and keep yourself away at a safe distance and well-mannered toward the female members for sure although some did act more freely than others in my interaction with them (Cf. Ting-Toomey, p. 183, “If some cultural groups do not emphasize categories for “privacy” and “solitude” to guide every day interactions, then such categories may not be a critical part of their everyday social reality.”)

I have always been impressed by how these individuals have always kept and used their given names in their own tongue including the US-born second generationers like Ramesh, Pankaj, Rama, Ohm, Amit, Anup, Arjun, Arnav, Bala, Balu, Krishna, etc., but never an “Andrew”, a “Chris,” a “Brian,” a “James,” a “Paul,” etc. Indeed, have I ever seen them using Anglicized/Americanized first names in my entire life (except for in two instances) as I often do with people from other Asian countries for comparison: I myself have an Anglicized first name which does appear on my US Passport apart from my Korean given names. That shows their pride and perhaps “stubbornness” (xenophobic? as alluded to) nature in their own culture and tradition, perhaps.

But this is where the rubber had met the road, and the rubber got blown up to pieces and can’t move any further, I am afraid: do all your verbal and nonverbal communication strategies and utilize them well to at least be invited inside their temple or even private home showing lots of genuineness and sincerity as scripture commands, “But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect,” (1 Peter 3:15 ESV).

Eventually, it does all add up, you know, as Rome wasn’t built in one day and one should keep his nose to the grindstone, and keep grinding away for a big reward one day. I for most part, personally, remain skeptical regarding this particular group since this is a hard-core group of people from my own experience. They like to take but are not necessarily prone to giving away/receptive of external influence, especially regarding “foreign” gods outside their own culture.

As I conclude, Sikhs or not people from that particular region as a whole are just so well entrenched and structured in their time honored tradition, heritage, mindset, and religion so that it will take more than a gung-ho kind of works, but a Herculean supernatural strengths of miraculous phenomena to convert them into a Chrisitan as the authors Ting-Toomey and Chung note, “(Many individualistic cultures encourage a home environment that is unique to the owner,) but many collectivistic cultures encourage communal-type home settings. These are learned cultural norms from childhood, where individuals learn via observation how to manage space and boundary issues through social roles, furniture, and proper interaction rules to perform in each room..”[1] It is deeply embedded in the fabric of their every day living and psyche.

Personally, doing away with the Indian/Pakistani dominated clientele one by one systemically over a period of time until there was no more was the one of the best things that ever happened to my private coaching career in recent years. Evangelism wise, lots and lots of praying and patience required to reach to them deep down until the Holy Ghost, of course, intervene in the right time and space as scripture says, “Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer.” (Romans 12:12 KJV). Never give up. Ever. Keep striving.

[1] Stella Ting-Toomey, Leeva C. Chung. Understanding Intercultural Communication, 3^rd Edition. (New York Oxford University Press, 2022), 182-183.

Correction: "systematically."*

Plus, I'd just like to add that this group of   people is clannish, which is characteristic of any newly arrived ethnic groups in the states all across the board, but more so due to its tight knit community structure/spirit, I'd say. And that is why one would find it so hard to break through the almost unpenetrable community shield  which blocks an approaching evangelist at the doorstep. A Chrisitan among them is a precious one in a million, I'd say. They need a lot of empathy and love as well since I've heard and witnessed some unpleasant things which have happened to them as they did to me...Agape Love conquers it all. Amen.